Goodbye to a Classy Lady

Our long time foster, Maude, died suddenly this past Sunday.

On Saturday evening Maude never came downstairs for dinner. This was very strange since she never passed on a meal and loved her treats. We decided to monitor her and thought she might have an upset stomach, but it was still weird. She ate a bit of tuna so that was promising. After coming back from Stu's birthday dinner, she was still under Stu's bed and was now breathing very hard and her chest sounded slightly congested. I contemplated taking her to the ER, but decided to see how she was in the morning.

By morning she was the same and was now under my bed. Tunney helped me lift the bed and I lifted her up and she never even gave me a struggle. She never liked to be help much so when she went limp in my arms, I knew she was very ill. I was still hopeful Maude just had a kitty cold and would be good as new with some meds from the doc. I got dressed, place her in her carrier and hopped in a cab for the veterinary ER at Penn.

Upon arrival at the ER, they immediately took her back and then I had to wait. Finally, I went back to a room with the vet assigned to her case and we saw the x-rays. You didn't need to be a doctor to take one look at the x-ray and know she was very sick and likely terminal. It was either lung cancer or a massive fungal infection, but whatever it was, I was told Maude was sick for quite some time. The doctor said she was incredibly brave and likely hid her illness from us this entire time. Now, the ER would admit her into the ICU and she would be kept overnight and was given a 50/50 chance of making it through the night. I was able to see her in her oxygen cage before I left to go home and she was breathing so hard and I remember telling her how sorry I was and giving her a few blinks (kitty speak for 'I love you') and a kiss before leaving.

I got home and took a shower. A bit later I got a call from the ER - Maude was declining so I return and should consider euthanizing her. She wasn't in pain, but her limited breathing was making her uncomfortable. After speaking to Lori and Louisa from City Kitties, we made the painful decision to euthanize her as her chances of a recovery, even with extensive (and expensive) treatments, was unlikely. Stu accompanied me to the ER and Lori and Louisa met us there. We were taken to a room and informed she went into heart failure and had died. The vet wrapped her body in a towel and brought her in to say our last goodbyes and I held her and rocked her a bit before I was ready to go. In a little over 24 hours since she stopped eating, my lovely Maude was gone.

Maude was never the picture of health ever since she came to live with us. She always had this tiny cough whenever she played too hard or was agitated, which we took for mild asthma or hairballs. In the week leading up to her death, she seemed a bit more needy than usual, as she was a fairly independent girl. Was she trying to tell me she was dying or looking to me for help? Was she saying goodbye? I am left with intense feelings of guilt that maybe I should have given her more attention, that as her mom, I should've known Maude was sick and I should've been holding her as she passed away. I should've taken more pictures and given her more treats, if I only had more time. In all though, I do believe she was meant to stay with me, with us in our apartment and not be adopted to anyone else. Whenever I would pet her head and she would look at me with those big green eyes of hers, there was never a doubt in my mind that she loved me. I hope she knew that I loved her too.

Mommy loves and misses you very much Maude. You will always be my classy, lovely girl. See you later.